Day 12: New Low

Last night I went out with some friends so I planned ahead of time to have my Free Meal then, rather than this Sunday.  That's the second Thursday in a row that I've swapped out my Sunday Free Meal.  (I'm doing a Free "Meal" rather than Free "Day" because I'm afraid that I'd do too much damage with an entire day of eating with abandon.)

Heck, I was nervous just having a Free Meal.  Even though I was looking forward to it I panicked a bit when we got to the restaurant.  Should I really eat whatever I wanted?  What if I wanted the fried appetizer platter?  And a cocktail?  And gooey cake for dessert?

Maybe I should get the grilled fish and broccoli and figure that the one mixed drink would add enough calories to the day?  But I didn't want the grilled fish and broccoli.

To make matters tougher, yesterday morning I was thrilled to see the scale say 128.0.  I didn't want to wreck that!  What if I had dessert and then the next day the scale reads 129?  I've worked so hard to get down to 128.  But I know that it's important to indulge now and then or else I will get extremely burned out and run the risk of cursing it all and then binging.

So with great anxiety (a sickness, really), I ordered the trout almondine, grilled zucchini, sweet potato fries, a peach martini and had one small cupcake for dessert.  Oh yeah, and a garlic muffin or two.  All in all, it was a yummy indulgence but it wasn't too over-the-top.

I brought home the other three cupcakes to give to my children and today at lunch I wiped the extra frosting off of the container with my finger and ate it.  Ohhh man, I could have caved right there and then and eaten the cupcakes myself.  I was so tempted by the sweet sugar goodness.

Sometimes I wonder if there isn't some similarity with alcoholics.  I seem to be better off avoiding all sweets completely.  Having "just one" is enough to knock me off the wagon and bring back all of my old cravings.

The happy news is that the scale this morning said 128.8.  I doubt very much that I gained more than half a pound from one dinner... it might be the higher salt content from dinner causing that reading.

This morning I thought, "Oh, gee... do I have to go to the gym again??  The answer was YES! so I went and had a decent Lower Body Workout.  I read these Body for Life champions who say things like, "I've become so much more clear headed and focused and exercise became a routine.".  I'm not there yet.  The pull of the bed on a cold winter's morning is still very strong!